Lately I've been going through a phase. Perhaps this is partly to do with the tumultuous manner in which the year has unfolded from February onward. Since the house fire that burned down my former NH home- the Isaak Foster Homestead, there seems to have been some inner change going on behind the curtains that define my perceivable life.
Like the Phoenix, consumed in flames, a rebirth seems to be taking place... complete with labor pains- letting go of the old to allow room in for the new. It seems that I have been holding onto things that I don't need to. Continuing along the same road is apparently no longer an option- the old is gone. It seems appropriate that- with Autumn season is upon us, and the trees gracefully shedding their no longer needed attire, that I shed a few things too.
One thing I am shedding is the need to know, well- everything! Especially worry. All my life I have been watching and worrying about everything around me- trying to take into account every aspect of my reality, thinking that, if I can only- through diligence and concentration perceive every possible pothole in the road- I can control my destiny. The harder I try to live in a mindful way (and I don't say that there is anything wrong with that) the more chaos is thrown in my path.
Recently, I have come to suspect the the Universe is laughing at me behind my back in that regard. Finally, I am beginning to get the joke, and am starting to laugh too! There is a message in here somewhere... lol!
I am reminded of the 1960's movie Inside Daisy Clover. In the last scene, Daisy- completely dis-infatuated with the film industry and the desire to be a star, has left the gas oven on, after an unsuccessful suicide attempt. She leaves her house to hitch a ride. As she is walking away, the house blows up behind her. She never even looks back. Like Daisy, I am walking away.
It is in this spirit that I went on a foliage tour through the Black Hills. It was a great day...
tu·mul·tu·ous/t(y)o͞oˈməlCHo͞oəs/Adjective1. Making a loud, confused noise; uproarious: "tumultuous applause".
2. Excited, confused, or disorderly.
One thing I am shedding is the need to know, well- everything! Especially worry. All my life I have been watching and worrying about everything around me- trying to take into account every aspect of my reality, thinking that, if I can only- through diligence and concentration perceive every possible pothole in the road- I can control my destiny. The harder I try to live in a mindful way (and I don't say that there is anything wrong with that) the more chaos is thrown in my path.
Recently, I have come to suspect the the Universe is laughing at me behind my back in that regard. Finally, I am beginning to get the joke, and am starting to laugh too! There is a message in here somewhere... lol!
I am reminded of the 1960's movie Inside Daisy Clover. In the last scene, Daisy- completely dis-infatuated with the film industry and the desire to be a star, has left the gas oven on, after an unsuccessful suicide attempt. She leaves her house to hitch a ride. As she is walking away, the house blows up behind her. She never even looks back. Like Daisy, I am walking away.
It is in this spirit that I went on a foliage tour through the Black Hills. It was a great day...
No comments:
Post a Comment